Just Like Heaven
by RoughMoon
Summary: Just some romance for Steve and Ghost after all they have survived! BTW, sorry if my vocabulary is quite limited; I'm not an English speaker, but I just read Lost Souls and this had to be written in English. I hope you forgive me and even enjoy it! Disclaimer: All characters belong to Poppy Z. Brite and the publishing companies she works with. No disrespect or harm is meant.


Tonight Steve and Ghost played at the Sacred Yew and all the people they knew plus many new faces came to see and listen to them. It was glorious and there was sheer exhilaration in their faces after. They stayed there for a long time just talking to people, drinking, smoking and never losing an eye to each other even if they were separated by fifty people. It was quite late when they finally rode to their place.

**Steve**

Steve couldn't stop tonight. The hugging wasn't so tight but somehow was more intense, the kissing wasn't chaste, erratic, soft or unintentional, but deep and frantic. Without thinking he removed the old tattered t-shirt he wore and once he got rid of it started to pull Ghost's t-shirt off as well, hungry to touch and in a hurry to feel his bare skin melting with his own. He was licking Ghost's neck when he suddenly realized what was really happening. No horror dreams to soothe, no consolation for crying and sorrow, no excuses this time, just love and desire. And with realization a one year's exhaustion overwhelmed him and his brain just couldn't bear that much. He stopped moving and felt a tone of iced water washing him, washing all the alcohol, the smoke and the blur from his eyes and brain. He felt his stomach falling to his feet and fear menacing to fill the empty hole. This was just too much to swallow at once, but he didn't want to repeat the same mistake and keep lying himself for ever now that he knew this wasn't fair to anyone. He couldn't continue messing with Ghost this way but he couldn't leave him either, so finally he let his mind turn off to start digesting and accepting what that all meant. Again he was running ahead of himself, refusing to face the plain truth but not dismissing it either this time.

**Ghost**

Ghost felt Steve freezing in his arms, afraid another night horror was coming, half expecting the cries and tears and ready to take them again. But then he felt something different, he felt Steve's weight on him as his body loosened and his breath went even and profound. He felt his heartbeat slowing and immediately knew he was more at peace with himself than he had been in months, probably calmer than he had ever sensed Steve. He hoped Steve might be coming back, back from that place where guilt and blood and hatred were mixed with faces he loved and faces he loathe, hoping he could leave behind some of that and that he himself could leave it behind too.

And tonight had been different in other ways too; some parts of his body and mind reacted different tonight. Steve was showing him undisguised passion this time, and he couldn't but hope that meant he was accepting his real feelings. Ghost believed he knew himself pretty well, what he wanted and what he needed, but he then understood he had been too accepting until now, too happy to take whatever Steve brought to his life because he loved him so much. He grasped tonight that life could be much more if things would change somehow. He had become addicted to Steve's warm and solid presence beside him almost every night, even if he always restrained himself before things would go too far to pretend this wasn't happening at all. But he was now painfully aware this couldn't continue that way; he wanted more, much more, and he was determined to force it somehow, to show Steve he wanted everything from him, that he needed him in all possible ways as much as he needed to breathe.

He stayed awake for a long time, looking at the shadows of his room becoming paler every minute, sticking Steve's warm skin into his mind, into the memory of every cell of his own skin. Finally sleep found him and a faint smile draw peace into his face.

**Steve**

White morning light bathed Ghost's chest and face, and after Steve woke up he stared at him for a long time, maybe looking at him for the first time really, studying his regular nose, his full lips, the exact color of his eyelashes, amazed at how beautiful he was and how much he wanted him. Then last night's experience came abruptly, claiming acceptance and some kind of decision from a sober Steve. He wasn't pretending anything happened this time, he couldn't continue with that comedy anymore or it would become a sour cold play soon and then anger would come and then worst. Admitting to him that he not only needed Ghost's comforting soul and gentle caresses but also that he badly ached for all of his body was hard. He bitterly realized he had taken him for granted and had used him a lot. He always knew Ghost loved him sincerely, without all his subterfuges and tricks, without his cheating, and now he wanted to return some of the sincerity that was so intricate with Ghost' soul. He knew it wouldn't be easy, but he had to try and he realized he had first to put some of this into words, say it for Ghost and for him.

That would be painful as hell…

He waited until Ghost slowly started to move, until he opened his clear eyes and looked at him as he had never stopped doing so.

"Ghost…"

His voice came hoarse and rough, but he cleared his throat and continued.

"Boy, I hope you can hear or sense some of this right from my mind, because I won't be able to say it all out loud."

"We have been facing our past for the last year, I think now it's time to face our future."

_"You are my best friend, you are my fucking everything!"_

"I won't change, I will still be the Steve you know so well, I won't stop drinking too much or yelling or being unfair, _...holy shit,_ _that's not a very good beginning…_ but that's just how I am and it seems you accept it, but I'll try to stop lying at me and turning back from what I really want. I will continue being the stupid, selfish, over possessive Steve Finn, but now I want to be true to myself and true to you."

_"And I can't wait to see your face losing control, your whole body covered by sweat all because of me, because of the things I'll be doing to you. I want to study every inch of your skin and make it tremble..._ _I want to spend every night fucking with you until we pass out, play our music in the Yew or anywhere they want to hear it, add a few bottles ...ok, more than a few… and a couple of joints, spend some time on the road now and then, and I would call it a fucking great life. As long as it lasts, I'm up for it. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it and that I caused so much pain and loss, especially for Ann. It was too much for me, I badly wanted to believe it was enough to have you by my side every day and then go and fuck someone else, but it didn't work, it never worked. And it had to be hell for you and hell for her… It was hell for me too."_

"Man, after what happened to Ann I know we can fuck up just so many times, and then you start losing what you really want in life. Maybe vampires can mess it up once and again for as long as they want and they just go on and start all over again, but for us this is not happening that way. We might just not get another chance. _Maybe this is our last opportunity. I don't want to become some sort of crazy Zillah and I won't let you turn into a cold lone Christian._"

Steve had never talked or thought so much about his feelings and felt exhausted. Every word was like weight being cut from his body, freeing him but leaving open wounds at the same time. He was bleeding and couldn't go further; he didn't have anything else to say either.

**Ghost**

Ghost wasn't able to discern which words were spoken out loud and which ones came through his mind, but the meaning was one and only one altogether. His magic had warned somehow that his life was about to be altered soon but he wasn't prepared for that.

He sensed those nights ahead of them, all the desperation to reach each other, all the touching, sucking, licking, pushing, caressing and experimenting, but it would be anxiety to be as close as possible to the other because of desire, because of love and lust for each other instead of the need for consolation, for smoothing guilt and horror. Sorrow is bad company for love and it eventually ends up destroying it.

And to Ghost kissing would always be the most satisfying, the most complete and extreme experience, he already knew the meaning of his universe would stay inside Steve's mouth, because everything fitted together and made sense when their tongues intertwined. They would communicate everything that ever mattered with lips and tongues. Hard kisses, tender touch of the lips or desperate tongue searching, their need for each other would be expressed that way more intensely than with hands, eyes or any other part of their bodies. That was also the reason why he never pressed harder for Steve's love since New Orleans. He was happy with what he had. The strong hugging and occasional kissing had meant the world for him, and he didn't want anything Steve wasn't ready for. He wouldn't risk anything he already had. Until now. It was about time now, time to move on.

Ghost could even feel Ann leaving after Steve's last words, like a final redemption. He wouldn't see her anymore outside Steve's car; he wouldn't see her or hear her anymore at all but in his mind if he chose to remember her. He looked though the window and sent a last feeling of warmth to her spirit, not sure if she could receive it, and also felt a last shudder for her before he turned to Steve again, bringing him even closer, reaching for his lips.


End file.
